Have you ever been tired? I mean tired from the inside out. It could be your body, your mind, your spirit? Or maybe it’s only a headache and you just can’t tell the difference any more? Maybe you’re just whining, or maybe you can’t feel your face.
I’ve been this level of tired before. Twice, actually. I’d push forward every day, but it just seemed like the current was too strong against me. Both times I found myself crawling out of bed in the morning, asking God for strength to get through the day, and getting dressed. Until I crawled into bed again that evening. Or, somewhere closer to 7:30PM.
A few people from my job were in a mental recovery facility at different times, which should have been a red flag for me. We were far too familiar with the name of that place. I gotta say, though, the facility seemed really appealing to me for a while.
About that same time, I had a friend who was having addition issues. I didn’t know about them, or I didn’t know their extent, anyway. He had apparently been on a downhill path, picking up speed for a few years and I didn’t catch on until the crash. I visited him at the mental facility he had checked into, a facility for substance abuse recovery. The place was way out in the country, and it was lovely—with trees and paths, and food prepared by a chef was served daily.
I was so very bitter.
I’ll be the first to admit that my dream of being confined to a mental facility is not the ideal mindset of a successful person. And I have recovered from the near-desperate need for it. But the dream is still alive.
An epiphany is a visceral understanding of something you already know. –Jen Sincero
I have heard that there is an alternative called a “Vacation”.
I don’t know, though. It doesn’t feel the same if I’m not exhausted from working. It would be like sitting down at a nice restaurant with a steak in front of you, but still being full from the cheap fast-food burger you just had.
I’ve done some soul searching these past few years. I tried to break free from the bondage of employment a couple of times, and crawled right back in. It’s so comfortable here, and they bring me a paycheck. But when I look out the window at the big, beautiful life that’s out there, I can’t help but think I’m missing something while I sit at somebody else’s desk, punching keys. Like, maybe it’s time to rethink and try again.
So, this year I’m changing my personal goals from:
Winning the lottery.
Having the AC unit fall through the ceiling onto my head, meaning that I’d be set for life with the damages I’d collect from my employer.
Losing my personal freedoms and allowing myself to be put into a drugged state of submission in a mental facility.
To the positive goals of:
Establishing one new stream of income using my God-given creativity.
Building that business and growing a following—while I still have my day job.
Taking a much-needed vacation to someplace extraordinary where somebody else washes my sheets and I can have food brought to me at a table along with a cocktail.
Hiking in state park—the beginning of a plan to visit all of the state parks in Texas.
I don’t know. This just feels better.
What are your thoughts?